My Silly Love Story

Isn’t it funny how fate works, you wake up one day holding in your hands the kind of love you long been searching for only to find out that it wasn’t meant for you, that it only allowed you a glimpse of something you can never have? Isn’t it too ironic to finally fall in love with someone that is totally the opposite of the one you have dreamed of and ending up falling hard?

I’ve been trying so hard to comprehend the kind of love story that I have but to no avail I’m still here looking for that one, even just one logical explanation why though I know that everything is wrong, that this kind of set-up wouldn’t work and most specially that this person isn’t good for me I’m still not letting go.

Have I gone insane, perhaps just a little unwell?

I’ve been running full circles for quite sometime now, running away, escaping only to find out that I’m right where I have started… in his mercy.

If only I could forget about his smiles that probably wasn’t meant for me at all, if only I could forget about his sweetness that may not be genuine at all, if only I could shield myself from his promises that was nothing but empty words, if only…

I’ve been through hell and back, chasing demons or perhaps trying to run away from them these past few days. It’s been such a long time since I’ve gone looking out for peace until somehow my weary soul got tired of it. I’m tired and I seek rest but always in my solitude I find him there ‘till I’m back on the race, chasing demons or perhaps running away from them.

This is such a silly love story, a one big roller coaster ride but nevertheless appealing to the masochist that I am.

Probably, it's loving the thought of domesticating pain or perhaps just plain love. Whatever it is, it is so exhilarating yet exhausting. Sometimes I want to stop for awhile and rest until fear nags me, fear of losing him when in reality I’ve lost him a long time ago.

Thoughts of him forever haunt me like an elusive dream. It keeps on coming back. It’s like being in a time machine every now and then, back to the time when it felt so nice to be in his arms, back to place where only he and I existed, back to the days where his love is real or so I thought.

I just can’t seem to let go but there’s nothing left to hold on to. Afraid as I am to move on, I find myself at the edge of this cliff all bruised up and pained from this journey. Moving on means falling from this cliff or may be learning to fly and be free.

This silly love story has to come to its end.

In my solitary I found peace, I found rest…

…until I saw his face once more.

I’m back on the race again, chasing demons or perhaps running away from them.