why?....why?....why?.....

Posted by maria criselda victoriano de guzman

.......Why did it happened?why did you let this happen to me?,why me from all these people?these are the questions I asked to God when my daughter died after the day of her 11th birthday.
....... September 14th,1990,6PM, Angeles University Foundation Hospital,i was about to deliver a twin,Jhezzica Charmaine and Jheime Chrissy.I did not knew that i was about to have a twin though i was having my monthly check up.They are identical twin.
.......Having a twin is a mixed emotion,happy because instead of just having a baby you're having two,exhausting because of double efforts to attend to their needs.But it was a very exciting adventure for a parent.
........As they grow,they developed their own identity,just for you to recognize who is who.they always have the same design of clothes and shoes but with different colors and they choose which color they want,they shares toys,they even count their candies just to have a fair shares,and they don't fight,it was always a give and take situation.
........When they started to go to school,they had their own talents,though they are both good in singing and dancing,Jhezzica chose to teach dancing and Jheime into singing everytime there is a school program.
........August 28,2001,Jhezzica was having a cough and fever,we decided to bring her to the doctor and the doctor told us that it was just a common flu.So we went home,but her fever was not going down, it was always 39-40 degrees and when she take her medicine it will go down for 2 hours then goes up again.We took her back to the hospital and they made some laboratory tests co'z they suspected a dengue fever,but the lab test results was negative,they did the test for 4 days but the results was still negative.Jhezzica was confined because she was already dehydrated and fever was still high.Doctors can't fine why her fever was not going down and her blood pressure was starting to get high too,at the age of 11 she got a blood pressure of 140/90.They tried to test her other organs and all the results went negative too.
........And then,the day i was afraid of came,September 12,2001,she had a seizure and went into coma and they put her in a respirator.
........September 14,She was schedules to have a CT Scan but the doctor informed us that there was no available ambulance to transport her because that time CT scan was only available in Sn.Fdo.So they decided to re schedule it the next day.
........And it was the twins 11th birthday also,we asked a permission to the hospital personnels if we can celebrate their birthday inside the ICU,and they let us to do so,even her doctors and nurse dropped by to greet her.And when her twin sister sang he favorite song(Pagdating ng Panahon By Aiza Seguerra)we saw tears rolled down from Jhezzica's eyes,and then everybody started to cry.
........5:50am,September 15,I was ready to give her a sponge bath because she had a CT scan schedule at 9am,but I noticed that she was having difficulty in breathing,we called the doctor and they tried to revived her but maybe it was already her time to go.And then she go.
........And in that moment I asked the Lord all these why's.And at that moment too He answered all the questions I asked.And here's what He said......
"You didn't asked for a twin but I gave you the chance to have one."
"I won't give you a trial I know that you cannot surpass,for you a like a gold needed to purify with fire."
"For My thoughts are not your thoughts nor My Ways your ways"
These were the words kept on and on in my head.
........And I realized that I don't have the right to question God because everything i have was from Him,And I asked Forgiveness and I asked a sign from Him,to let me and Jhezzica to have a moment to say goodbye to each other,And then the sign came, I knew I was awake lay on my bed and from no where she came wearing her favorite dress,she hugged me and told me that she will go to Heaven and sing hymn for the Lord.
........And I thank the Lord for that moment and I will cherished it until the day I will see my sweet Jhezzica again.
........I grieved from the lost of my child and it still hurts until now but the promises of God comforts me.
Let the Lord do His ways in our life and we are very sure that He will never let us down though sometimes the answers we get were not the one we are expecting.But still The Lord knows what is best for us.
........In just 2 weeks the Lord changed my wholelife........He made me more stronger and made my faith more deeper.......
"Look unto Jesus the Author and Finisher of our faith"